Weight of Just Black

it’s not the weight of black
but the immensity of being made
to be just black every time
white confronts me

it’s the weight of white’s derivation of black;
a derivative definition of ‘ just black ‘ derived in part
by the social conditions created in large part by whites

it’s the stress and strain of an inexact, inaccurate depictions
to foster an ill-conceived, preconceived description of
an ill-meaning distinction of black nature,
black imagery, black sound, the scope of black –
derivatives of black derived reconstituting me
by white society to be ‘ just black ‘

it is the immensity of immediate suspicion the first sight of me
through aqua blue seas of constricting pupils
narrowing their circular misgivings like a
hang man’s rope hung about my black neck

it’s the weight of torque and tension in muscles and tendons
poised white flight or fright, postured to telephone militarized
police who serve and protect white in red lined, black free zones

it is the weighted density in white tone
when switching from speaking to a white to just a black

its the lift of an entitled nose, flaring of nostrils,
a glaring view through a narrowed view
through slits in mistrusting eyelids

it’s the enormous weight of hate
when they clutched their Gucci hand bags
the first sight of me
the locking of the car doors,
the first sight of me
the collecting of the brood frolicking in aisles of department stores,
the first sight of me
the gravity of familiarity referring to me, renaming me
what’s up, my man the first they lay eyes on me

it is the insanity of ‘ N ‘ in nigger black
sub-human black, green light black to
shoot blacks in the back, concealing it tracing
the slain outlines of black in crime scene tape of
plausible alibis and deniability,
concealing fallen shadows of black in lines that divide, sever
white society from just black, weighted to be just black,
a derivative of me derived reconstituting me
to be ‘ just black ‘

Neal Hall, M.D. © 2015